He is the Alpha and Omega

So yummy, so yummy, there’s a party on my tummy.

I like a hot hero as much as the next girl. In romance novels the hero is usually described as this chiseled, incredibly sexy, god-like man while the heroine is closer to meh territory. Fair enough, it’s a fantasy. But the more unbelievable the hero’s effect on women is (everywhere he goes women stare, panties drop, birds sing, because it’s not enough that you can do your laundry on his abs, if your friends  and countrywomen aren’t coveting the everloving shit out of your man, all bets are off) the more warning signs start popping up in my head: “ABANDON REASON ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE!”. I can only suspend my disbelief so far, give me a reason to stay here or I’ll turn right back around. These guys do everything but walk on water, they’re the Alpha and Omega: the beginning and the end.

Yeah. I’m only swooning because my eyes have rolled so far back inside my head.

Instead of focusing on the connection between the two leads, all I can think is, “Her? Why her?” Why her with the overlapping front teeth, frizzy hair, and small breasts? Why her if she’s the ONLY woman in the world who is running in the opposite direction when she sees him (Lord, don’t even get me started)? And every. single. time. the answer is naturally that her sex, I mean THE sex is mind-blowing. When He Who Walks Among Us hits that what he hits is the JACKPOT! Boy, she has such a presence in bed! She’s so responsive! So there! Never had he seen such an earthy orgasm! I’m just wondering what the other (more attractive) women were doing? No enough kegels, for one. I’m thinking that they were so focused on not making that ugly orgasm face that they just laid there like cold, dead fish until the hero was done? Something like that.

Real quick: Using the word “greedy” to describe a woman’s vagina will never not make me think of vagina dentata. *shudder*

What was my point? Oh, right. It’s annoying. I like a hot hero, but it’s enough that he’s hot to the heroine. Is it asking too much that heroes and heroines be held to the same standard? Heroes need to look beyond stretch marks but heroines get the pick of the litter? Riiiight.

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